My Celebrity Crush

Today: Thursday, February 20, 2009

Who: John Goodman

Why: Look at that face and honestly tell me he doesn't just make you shit out rainbows and confetti! Plus, come on! He's the new voice of Dunkin Donuts! I can't even watch The Big Lebowski without my mouth watering for a cawfee and a glazed donut!

Favorite movie: The Big Lebowski

First realized you were alive: I first realized you were alive when I saw you in 1997's The Borrowers. Great movie. I don't think you can find it anywhere in America, which is good because looking back at it, I would think I was tripping balls.

Why I'll always love you: In October of 2008 my two friends from Florida came to visit me at school. That night I introduced them to a little game from my childhood called ORANGE. The aim of the game is simple. You pick five boys, five girls, fives places, five things you do to an orange and five body parts. You then put the numbers one through five in any order next to everything listed. After that, you pair all the ones up, all the twos up and so forth. My friends and I later added another category called And Then...? Okay, so K and L and I were playing the game the same way everyone on Earth plays this game at first: safe. It is the stage of the game before you start picking dirty body parts and dirty things you do to an orange. I think we had a hundred and twelve "Ooooh! He licked your knee cap!" before I could sense we were getting bored. I do not know who it was exactly, but someone picked gooch. If you do not know what a gooch is then I suggest you wiki that shit right now before reading this (Note: Ahahaha! No one reads this except me!). Well, L, K and I decided to pick celebrities to start using. Again, I do not know who it was, but someone called out John Goodman. So, the game began. K was paired with John Goodman and she pinched his gooch. We all got the biggest kick out of that. All in all, K was paired with the gooch eighteen times in a row. She also got paired with the Java Tree Man and did something to his gooch, as well as the entire cast of the Avengers and serenaded their gooches and then made dinner on the Rachel Ray show. When John Goodman was placed back on the pad, K was again paired with him and his gooch. We now call her Mrs. Gooch Goodman.

Why you should love him, too: He coined one of my favorite terms, "Shut the fuck up, Donny!" from TBL. Plus, listen to his voice...I'm big on voices.