And they called it The Vamp

This is soooo messed up. They are officially coming out with a Twilight dildo. It's called the Vamp, as seen above. Apparently, women are so obsessed with Edward, they can't use a regular dildo anymore. This is a perfect example of what is wrong with America. Instead of someone figuring out how to cure cancer, we have people figuring out how to make fictional literary characters dick's into life sized models. Someone thought up this idea, okay? Someone thought this up, sketched out the idea and presented it to a board of people. This board of people looked at his sketches and decided this was a good idea. This board of people green lighted the go-ahead for this. Out of twenty or so people, no one thought this was a bad idea? No one said, "Oh, hey, wait. We didn't add in the creep factor. Back to the drawing board."

So, what is the creep factor? I'll tell you.

1) You can put it in the fridge to keep it cold. OKay, let's break this down. You stick this up your no-no land, so logic says you should probably not put it in the fridge with your food. That's just hells gross and unsanitary. Do I even need to say it? Shouldn't that just be a natural thought from a human being? You don't put dildos in the fridge. Period. End of discussion. It's gross. Secondly, you stick this up your no-no land. Why on Earth would you want it to be cold? I can't think of anything more uncomfortable.

2) You take it outside and it sparkles. So, this "Edward" replica sparkles when you take it outside...So, basically, you want everyone who buys it to masturbate outside? And get arrested? I don't know where you're from, dildo maker, but where I'm from that's called public indecency, and you get your bare ass arrested for it. After I buy your dildo, follow your instructions and get arrested, are you going to come bail me out? Is that included with the price of the dildo?

3) Who the hell are they marketing this dildo to? The thirteen year old girl in Minnesota who is obsessed with Twilight? Who of dildo buying age is so obsessed with Twilight they feel the need to buy this? I feel like this dildo was made to catch pediphiles and I was put on a watch list for even looking at it.

4) The description is all types of ridiculousness. "Fantasize about being with Edward? Now you don't have to! It's just like being with the real thing!" My response? How the hell would you know what it's like to fuck Edward? As far as I know, he is a made up vampire, aka NOT REAL. How can you have sex with something that isn't real? How do you know what a fictional vampire's penis feels like? And, again, who is fantasizing about being with Edward? Tweens! Are you seriously marketing your dildo to tweens, cuz that's illegal.

I may like Harry Potter and some people may call me obsessed, but this above is where I draw the line. Do you see me running out buying a Severus Snape dildo? No. Why? A) Cuz I'm not crazy and B) Because they haven't made it yet. Also, let me say this: Harry Potter is a million times better than Twilight beause at least SOMETHING HAPPENED IN THOSE BOOKS! AT LEAST THE MAIN CHARACTER DIDN'T CRY FOR 500 PAGES!