Thinkin' about it

I wrote two (2) stories now about Nicolas Cage. I did them each for a seperate friend on their birthdays. It was all in good fun and for no other reason than a laugh, until...
My mother informed me that Good Housekeeping has a short story contest! I already know I'm not going to win. I mean, der. I wrote a story I'm likely to get sued about if I ever try to publish it. One part involves Keanu Reeves and Nicolas Cage slow dancing in a Korean club. Probably didn't happen.
What is the worst that can happen? I have to ask myself.
Worst Case Scenario: Someone at Good Housekeeping reads my story, hates it and I get a rejection letter (maybe). Fine. Cool. I wasn't a writer yesterday and that means I'm not a writer today. No biggie.
Eh Case Scenario: Someone at Good Housekeeping reads it, finds it humerous, but still can't publish it. I get a letter back saying while they thought it was hilarious, it's highly illegal. Would I be interested in writing funny columns for them?
BEST CASE SCENARIO: Someone at Good Housekeeping is high off their ass. They read this, think it's fantastic and actually publish my story. I GET SUED BY NICOLAS CAGE AND KEANU REEVES. Now, picture it: Me and all 5'3 and frizziness in a California court room battling over my little story. After I win (because I just say, listen, don't publish it. I don't really care), I get to meet Keanu Reeves and Nicolas Cage (or at least be closer to them than I would have in the first place). I'll ask Nicolas Cage or Keanu Reeves to INTRODUCE ME TO JUDGE REINHOLD. Bam! They do. Bam! Sparks fly, angels cry and the next thing you know, me and Judge are eating lunch somewhere in California.
This plan has awesomeness written all over it. I swear, I don't know why I'm even going to college. I'm totally missing my calling as an EVIL MASTERMIND!! Mwhahahahaha!