Listening to: George Harrison and Paul Simon (Live, 1976 on SNL)--Here Comes the Sun and Homeward Bound. So gorgeous I can barely stand it. Watch it here.
Watching: An episode of the Office load.
Thinking: Ice cream for breakfast sounds fantastic!!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Attack of the killer zombies
So, at one thirty morning as I made my way home from Walmart and the driver of the car went to pull in a spot she said, "What a creeper!" I immediately perked up. I have much love for a fellow creeper. However, when I saw some creep-ass kid just standing right next to the car all parked in black I was not amused. Actually, I was quite the opposite. I was creeped out. Job well done, random drunken creep ass. My companion in the Walmart adventure said, "He scared me!" I agreed, but mentioned that I thought he was a zombie.
I then got to thinking about what I would do if he was a zombie. Well, one would be to instruct her to back out of the spot and haul ass to anywhere but there. Once there, it would be time to assess our surroundings. Was it just one--(Aw, fuck. All my DVDs are back in the zombie-infested campus!!!!!!!!!!!)--zombie or was it a whole bunch of them? Let's go to a populated spot and see if anyone else has come down with a case of Want-To-Eat-Brains.
Scenario #1) Not infested.
Solution: Go back to campus, find zombie and kill him. Then wait for about thirty seconds to see if anyone else on campus is acting strange. Awesome, no one else is. Yay!
Outcome: You accidentally killed a drunken frat guy. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Scenario #2) Slightly infested
Solution: Make our way north and away from the populated places. Try and find a tv and see if the entire world, country, state or even town is getting like this. It is likely to get worse. Try calling a few people: parents, grandparents, friends. Inform them of what is going on and telling them to try and find safety. If not, sever each other's heads. If it looks like it is going to get very bad, refer to scenario #3.
Outcome: Got to see how bad it's getting, and got to say goodbye to loved ones. How many of you get to do that in the case of zombies? Not many!
Scenario #3) Holy shit! infested. Looks like the entire world is coming down with a case of Zombie
Solution: Drive to the nearest place they have guns. Grab a gun, load in two bullets, hand it to my companion and say, "Shoot me in the face." She will (hopefully) protest a bit and say no, but then I shall use my planned speech in the case of zombies: "I am not interested in fighting off hundreds of the undead. I am not interested in living in a world where all of my friends and family are either dead or the hungry undead. I am fat and can not run very fast, you will trip me eventually. So, take this gun and SHOOT ME IN THE FACE! Because once I get bitten by a zombie (which I will) I'm gonna become pretty damn annoying to you and everyone around me. Not interested! SHOOT ME! Will you just--Oh, you know what, give that to me!" BANG.
Outcome: Sure, I left my friend alone and traumatized with blood all over her face, but that's why there's another bullet in that gun.
Scenario #4) Can't find gun. And shit is about to get real.
Solution: Drive to the nearest Walmart. Go to the cold remedies. Grab as much NyQuil as possible. Get back in the car and drive back to campus. Go into dorm room and shut the door over. Put on some Golden Girls episodes and drink. Imagine Betty White as a zombie and giggle.
Outcome: You fell asleep and missed most of the action. You wake up alive. WTF. Fuck it. Grab a weapon and go out fighting.
This may seem kind of weird and morbid, but in the case of a zombie attack, you as my companion have one job and one job only: Shoot me in the face. Because as I see it, I'll eventually be bitten and then I'm just one more zombie you're out running. I won't mind, either! I'll put in a good word for you, tell them you did me a favor.
I then got to thinking about what I would do if he was a zombie. Well, one would be to instruct her to back out of the spot and haul ass to anywhere but there. Once there, it would be time to assess our surroundings. Was it just one--(Aw, fuck. All my DVDs are back in the zombie-infested campus!!!!!!!!!!!)--zombie or was it a whole bunch of them? Let's go to a populated spot and see if anyone else has come down with a case of Want-To-Eat-Brains.
Scenario #1) Not infested.
Solution: Go back to campus, find zombie and kill him. Then wait for about thirty seconds to see if anyone else on campus is acting strange. Awesome, no one else is. Yay!
Outcome: You accidentally killed a drunken frat guy. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Scenario #2) Slightly infested
Solution: Make our way north and away from the populated places. Try and find a tv and see if the entire world, country, state or even town is getting like this. It is likely to get worse. Try calling a few people: parents, grandparents, friends. Inform them of what is going on and telling them to try and find safety. If not, sever each other's heads. If it looks like it is going to get very bad, refer to scenario #3.
Outcome: Got to see how bad it's getting, and got to say goodbye to loved ones. How many of you get to do that in the case of zombies? Not many!
Scenario #3) Holy shit! infested. Looks like the entire world is coming down with a case of Zombie
Solution: Drive to the nearest place they have guns. Grab a gun, load in two bullets, hand it to my companion and say, "Shoot me in the face." She will (hopefully) protest a bit and say no, but then I shall use my planned speech in the case of zombies: "I am not interested in fighting off hundreds of the undead. I am not interested in living in a world where all of my friends and family are either dead or the hungry undead. I am fat and can not run very fast, you will trip me eventually. So, take this gun and SHOOT ME IN THE FACE! Because once I get bitten by a zombie (which I will) I'm gonna become pretty damn annoying to you and everyone around me. Not interested! SHOOT ME! Will you just--Oh, you know what, give that to me!" BANG.
Outcome: Sure, I left my friend alone and traumatized with blood all over her face, but that's why there's another bullet in that gun.
Scenario #4) Can't find gun. And shit is about to get real.
Solution: Drive to the nearest Walmart. Go to the cold remedies. Grab as much NyQuil as possible. Get back in the car and drive back to campus. Go into dorm room and shut the door over. Put on some Golden Girls episodes and drink. Imagine Betty White as a zombie and giggle.
Outcome: You fell asleep and missed most of the action. You wake up alive. WTF. Fuck it. Grab a weapon and go out fighting.
This may seem kind of weird and morbid, but in the case of a zombie attack, you as my companion have one job and one job only: Shoot me in the face. Because as I see it, I'll eventually be bitten and then I'm just one more zombie you're out running. I won't mind, either! I'll put in a good word for you, tell them you did me a favor.
Monday, September 7, 2009
New layout
I'll never be truly happy with the layouts. It will be a never ending journey for me to find complete happiness with a template. Until then, you must jump around with me. Deal with it, my loves.
I'll tell you what? Let's just turn it into a drinking game, but with ginger ale because I AM IN NO MOOD.
One shot if my font is different.
Two shots if the color scheme is different.
Finish the can of ale if the entire damn thing looks different.
I'll tell you what? Let's just turn it into a drinking game, but with ginger ale because I AM IN NO MOOD.
One shot if my font is different.
Two shots if the color scheme is different.
Finish the can of ale if the entire damn thing looks different.
In case you were wondering
I hope my computer dies a truly horrible death. And I shall laugh. Oh, how I shall laugh.
Listening to: Leona Lewis--Happy
Watching: my can of ginger ale accumulate condensation
Thinking: "Why am I SWEATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Listening to: Leona Lewis--Happy
Watching: my can of ginger ale accumulate condensation
Thinking: "Why am I SWEATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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