Kenya

I don't know why I was thinking about this, but I remembered an instance when I was waitressing at the retirement home. There was this one elderly lady who had been there almost as long as I had, which is about three and a half years. She always says my name wrong, and I have never had the heart to correct her. My name is Kayla, but she called my Kaylee, Kaylin, Katelyn, etc. However, this isn't the point of the story.
Again, I'm not sure why I was thinking of this, but I remember one night I was cleaning up and I hear, "Excuse me! Kenya!"
And without even missing a beat I turned back to her and said, "Yes?"
I answered her question and then turned to another girl I worked with and said, "Apparently I'll just answer to anything now."

My official hero

We have all thought about doing this. We have all wanted to do this. But this kid actually went ahead and did it!!! This kid is my absolute hero. Hands down.
I did something like this once, but by mistake. We got our quiz and it said: Has no _____, ______ or _____. When it came time to fill it in, it ended up saying: Has no length, width or thickness. I, without really realizing it, jotted down, "That's what she said." right beside it. Didn't think much of it until we had to hand them in. When my papers were returned my teacher had circled it with a question mark. I don't know if I was supposed to go speak with her about it, and perhaps introduce her to the amazingness that is The Office, but I let it go, she let it go.
This, however, was a deliberate act of teen angst awesomeness. When I'm a teacher, and if I ever get anything like this, I'll make the kid come see me and then high five him. I'll keep it, take it home and frame it as one of the most amazing things I will ever see as a teacher...I'm now kind of excited to be a teacher as opposed to meh.

PS: If anyone was interested, the answer is about 18.2. But 'suck my dick, fag' works, too.
PPS: I am so wondering what happened to that kid after he saw his teacher. Shit like this will keep me up at nights. He's got bigger balls than I did.

Julian Beever

This dude's name is Julian Beever, and he is probably the most awesome person on the planet. I can't even sketch a straight line, and this guy can creat magic with some chalk and a sidewalk. Seriously, I am a miserable bastard and critisize everything, but this is amazing.

I need a hobby

We have a tiny little ant problem in our kitchen. Today, I got so angry and crazed about it, I killed about fifteen or so ants and let one live with the request that he "go, and tell the others what he has seen!"

Celebrity Crush of the Day

Hello, lover.

Seriously, this is seriously the sexiest man on Earth.

Not only did he play Severus Snape in Harry Potter (who is my favorite HP character), but he's going to be in the new Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movie.

Here are two clips to help you get a better sense:

This is from Family Guy:

This is some random youtube clip:

I have no idea what the hell he's talking about...but me loves it.

It is times like these that I breathe a sigh of relief because I am not some huge freak. There are other people who like him so much they make fan videos dedicated to his voice.

I'll be there

My friends somewhat introduced me to this band senior year. I'm not going to try and describe/name them because I'm just going to get yelled at by said friends. Well, this is my favorite song by them. This is what I want my first dance with my husband to be at my wedding when (or if) I get married. Just have to overcome that little thing called ZERO SELF-CONFIDENCE in order to get in the right direction of marriage.

Enjoy!

Daily

This dog is giving off serious "HELP ME" eyes. I can only assume he's either A) frightened of a life with these people, or B) he has just realized the burden being Canine Jesus is going to have on his life.

Oh dear God

If your first thought was, "Ok. It's a Snuggie. What's the big deal?" Then you, my friend, are an idiot. This is not a Snuggie. This is a Slanket.

I repeat: This is a SLANKET.

I didn't realize it was humanly possible to get even more ghetto than the Snuggie, but, as I waited in line at Ross, I found I was mistaken.

Doesn't that look comfy?

Well, think again. I happen to own a Snuggie. It was a gift from a friend.

What a Snuggie really is, is a thin piece of felt that sheds all over any black or dark clothing you may be wearing. You need to rest your back against something warm and comfy, otherwise your back and neck will freeze. It makes you kind of clammy and gross feeling. There is this extra fabric that just hangs over your neck and back like loose foreskin or something. It's really an icky experience all around. Not only that, but in order to be considered a UNIVERSAL SIZE they had to make it seven feet long. That means you should never run (unless from zombies) in a Snuggie/Slanket. You will trip and faceplant.

Fuck you Snuggie.

And a double fuck you to the Slanket.

Swear Word of the Day

Bitchtits.


Example:
"Did you clean your room?"
"Shut up, Bitchtits."

This is absolutely ridiculous

Seriously? This is getting out of hand. First of all, if you want to fuck a aluminum can, fine. Do as you please. I don't care. But if you actually have to add FANGS into the mix, then you, my friend, have a problem.

I like that there is a new texture named "Fang."

This is so odd to me.

Am I to believe that before this...can-vagina came out there were men who had their respective beej partners wearing fake vampire fangs to get them off? Officially, this is out of hand. I'm going to form a committee to stop shit like this from coming out.

Unbelievable.

Daily Dose

Again, I can't even correctly identify how much I love this picture. Look at the attitude. She knows she's awesome. I know she's awesome. I...I want her costume. There is a 20% Goodwill has something similar to this, and I intend to find it.

P.S. I saw it, I just chose to ignore it. Lest I take away from the amazingness of this photo.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday, Katie!

Hope you're enjoying the most pointless birthday ever. Though, next year we'll be twenty...holy shit...

Mr. Body Massage

Fun Fact: When I was in eleventh grade we had to work with partners and exchange email addresses. I was sketched out by my partner and didn't want to give my actual email address. So, I had to make one up. On the spot. And act as though it were my actual email address. And what was the first thing that popped into my mind? mrbodymassage@yahoo.com AND IT WAS TAKEN. So, to whomever has/had this address I'm sorry you got loads of emails about Emily Dickenson.

You are welcome in advance