So, the other day I thought I'd be nice and make my roommate a mixed CD because she's about to graduate and move far away. I sit down in front of my iTunes, 600 awesome songs, over a hundred hilarious podcasts, and start reading out bands or artists.
Me: Beyonce?
Her: I hate Beyonce.
Me: You hate Beyonce?
Her: I hate Beyonce.
Me: How about Florence + the Machine?
Her: Let me listen. (A minute later) No, I don't like her.
Me: Fine.What about the songs from Glee?
Her: No. I hate Glee.
Me: You hate Glee?
Her: Yup.
Me: That's like saying you hate puppies. No one hates Glee!
Her: I do.
Me: Lady Gaga?
Her: Ugh, no.
Me: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU LIKE, THEN?
Her: Got any Lady Antebellum?
Me: Get the fuck out of my sight.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Golf
Seriously, if you are ever in need of a drinking game, I highly suggest using a golf game. This weekend happened to be the Masters, which is apparently like the "Super Bowl of golf." This is according to my father, who only told that to me um, oh, I don't know, EVERY TIME HE OPENED HIS MOUTH TO SPEAK. But aside from being an incredibly boring and useless game, it can also be a drinking game.
First, I should point out my annoyance with golf. I understand they have to train and walk long distances, but seriously? I could also show up to a golf course and hit a ball into some trees. I could also show up and miss the hole (that's what she said).
Which brings me to my next issue: Watching golf on tv is the biggest game of "That's what she said" in the entire world. If you do not care for that's what she said, I apologize, but that is what this post is about. I watched golf for well over an hour and it got to the point where I am sure the announcers knew what they were doing. My favorite lines?:
1) "And right there, Michaelson is at the hairy side of the hole" (Whatever the FUCK that means.)
2) "Kim missed the hole. KIM MISSED THE HOLE."
3) "It did not go in the hole. It grazed the hole but did not fully go in." (Oh, COME ON.)
There were probably about five hundred more of these. So, I suggest you either play a drinking game every time someone says, "That's what she said" or every time the announcer says "hole."
Though, it wasn't all bad. At one point I was watching it with my parents and Tiger Woods was on the tv. The announcer then said, "And there is Tiger, on his twelfth hole."
I turned to my dad and said, "That isn't right."
My dad said, "What do you mean?"
I replied, "They just said Tiger is on his twelfth hole. He only had ten mistresses."
My dad high-fived me. My dad is kind of awesome.
First, I should point out my annoyance with golf. I understand they have to train and walk long distances, but seriously? I could also show up to a golf course and hit a ball into some trees. I could also show up and miss the hole (that's what she said).
Which brings me to my next issue: Watching golf on tv is the biggest game of "That's what she said" in the entire world. If you do not care for that's what she said, I apologize, but that is what this post is about. I watched golf for well over an hour and it got to the point where I am sure the announcers knew what they were doing. My favorite lines?:
1) "And right there, Michaelson is at the hairy side of the hole" (Whatever the FUCK that means.)
2) "Kim missed the hole. KIM MISSED THE HOLE."
3) "It did not go in the hole. It grazed the hole but did not fully go in." (Oh, COME ON.)
There were probably about five hundred more of these. So, I suggest you either play a drinking game every time someone says, "That's what she said" or every time the announcer says "hole."
Though, it wasn't all bad. At one point I was watching it with my parents and Tiger Woods was on the tv. The announcer then said, "And there is Tiger, on his twelfth hole."
I turned to my dad and said, "That isn't right."
My dad said, "What do you mean?"
I replied, "They just said Tiger is on his twelfth hole. He only had ten mistresses."
My dad high-fived me. My dad is kind of awesome.
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