So, I have some extra weight hanging around my body. We've lived together for a while now, and it's been a lovely tennant. However, I think it is now time to evict some of this weight. So, I've started a plan to go to the gym and work out. And, while I know I've made this promise to myself maybe a hundred times now, I've decided to stick to it. I have a gym buddy (The Bex) to go with me now. Not only that, but I live right next to the gym, and it's free admission. This is the Universe telling me to put down the cupcake, and hop on the treadmill. All in all I'm pretty happy about my decision. You know who isn't happy about it, though? My ass.
See, my ass is pretty content with the way things run around here. My ass likes that I do not jog or bike ride around campus. And it loves the cosmic brownies I bought last week. What my ass does not love, is that this morning marks the third time I have put on sneakers, a training bra, an old tee and some yoga pants. My ass hates that I've been working out. In fact, my ass is, at this very moment, screaming in pain.
My ass thought that she and I had a deal last night, when I was laying on my stomach, feeling the pain. I promised never to do that again, but, alas, I forced myself to go. The only way to get in shape is to suck it up and do it. And do it I have been. And not without any resistance, either. Here is a little excerpt of what my ass has been saying today:
10:30 am
"Ow. Happy? Are you happy with all this pain? Yeah, you hobble to the bathroom, bitch. And when you're done, get back into bed and sleep until two or so, then maybe I'll think about forgiving you."
10:40 am
"You're getting dressed? Fine. Get dressed and then sit down and relax. Look at The Golden Girls over there. Doesn't season two look inviting? Unwrap the plastic, pop in a DVD and relax."
10:45 am
"Why are you wearing sneakers? You better not be doing what I think you might be doing!"
10: 46 am
"Oh. Car keys? Exciting! Where are we going? To the movies? Maybe shopping?"
10:50 am
"Huh. Why are we at Becca's? Is she coming with us to the movies? That's weird...she's also dressed in yoga pants and sneakers. Did you plan this?"
10:55 am
"You drove right past your dorm...Did you do that on purpose? We're not going in the right direction of the movies. Oh, are we going for a ride? Exciting!!"
11:00 am
"No. Uh-uh. Back out of the parking spot, immediately. Don't you dare get out of this car! I mean it! So help me, if you get out of this car!"
11: 03 am
"Get out of the gym's lobby! GET OUT NOW!"
11: 04 am
"Don't you dare sign your name! Don't you dare hand over your card to be swiped!"
11: 05 am
"You bitch!"
11: 08 am
"Ha. I'm glad you have to wait for a machine. You deserve it, bitch."
11:1o am
"Get off of the machine! If you get off the eliptical machine RIGHT NOW and go back to the dorm and make some food other than LEAN CUISINE MAC AND CHEESE, I might think about forgiving you this year!"
11:11 am
"It's 11:11! Make a wish! AND DON'T START UP THE MACHINE! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!"
11:12 am
"UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"
11: 50 am
"I hate you. Don't talk to me."
So, what prompted this? Well...the picture above. I didn't realize how GINORMOUS I looked until I saw that picture. This must be what other people see when they look at me, and it isn't pretty. But, the biggest thing to remember is that I've realized I have a problem and I am trying to make a difference. So, this is what August looks like. Let's see what September looks like.
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