My Celebrity Crush

Today: Thursday, February 20, 2009

Who: John Goodman

Why: Look at that face and honestly tell me he doesn't just make you shit out rainbows and confetti! Plus, come on! He's the new voice of Dunkin Donuts! I can't even watch The Big Lebowski without my mouth watering for a cawfee and a glazed donut!

Favorite movie: The Big Lebowski

First realized you were alive: I first realized you were alive when I saw you in 1997's The Borrowers. Great movie. I don't think you can find it anywhere in America, which is good because looking back at it, I would think I was tripping balls.

Why I'll always love you: In October of 2008 my two friends from Florida came to visit me at school. That night I introduced them to a little game from my childhood called ORANGE. The aim of the game is simple. You pick five boys, five girls, fives places, five things you do to an orange and five body parts. You then put the numbers one through five in any order next to everything listed. After that, you pair all the ones up, all the twos up and so forth. My friends and I later added another category called And Then...? Okay, so K and L and I were playing the game the same way everyone on Earth plays this game at first: safe. It is the stage of the game before you start picking dirty body parts and dirty things you do to an orange. I think we had a hundred and twelve "Ooooh! He licked your knee cap!" before I could sense we were getting bored. I do not know who it was exactly, but someone picked gooch. If you do not know what a gooch is then I suggest you wiki that shit right now before reading this (Note: Ahahaha! No one reads this except me!). Well, L, K and I decided to pick celebrities to start using. Again, I do not know who it was, but someone called out John Goodman. So, the game began. K was paired with John Goodman and she pinched his gooch. We all got the biggest kick out of that. All in all, K was paired with the gooch eighteen times in a row. She also got paired with the Java Tree Man and did something to his gooch, as well as the entire cast of the Avengers and serenaded their gooches and then made dinner on the Rachel Ray show. When John Goodman was placed back on the pad, K was again paired with him and his gooch. We now call her Mrs. Gooch Goodman.

Why you should love him, too: He coined one of my favorite terms, "Shut the fuck up, Donny!" from TBL. Plus, listen to his voice...I'm big on voices.

Today in History

February 20:
1872 - In New York City the Metropolitan Museum of Art opens.
1902 - Ansel Adams is born.
1931 - California gets the go-ahead by the U.S. Congress to build the San Francisco – Oakland Bay Bridge.
1933 - The Congress of the United States proposes the Twenty-first Amendment to the United States Constitution, which would end Prohibition in the United States.
1954 - Patty Hearst is born.
1964 - French Stewart is born. (I'm still obsessed with an episode of Charmed he did...)
1966 - Cindy Crawford is born.
1967 - Kurt Cobain is born.
1967 - Andrew Shue is born.
1967 - Lili Taylor is born.
1978 - Lauren Ambrose is born.
1978 - Jay Hernandez is born.
1987 - Unabomber: In Salt Lake City, Utah, a bomb explodes in a computer store. (Fucking Unabomber. Seriously.)
1988 - Rihanna is born.
2005 - Hunter S. Thompson dies.

My Celebrity Crush

Today: Thursday, February 19, 2009

Who: Ben Feldman.

Why: Saw him in Friday the 13th and he caught my attention. I honestly felt bad that he (SPOILER) dies in the beginning.

Favortie Movie: Hmm...I guess Friday the 13th.

First Realized You Were Alive: The Perfect Man. God, that movie SUCKED!

Why I'll Always Love You: You're hot.

Why You Should Love Him, Too: He's hot.

Today in History

February 19:
1878 - The phonograph is patented by Thomas Edison.
1915 - World War I: The Battle of Gallipoli begins. Plans for mutiny in the British Indian army, the Ghadar Conspiracy, are uncovered in India.
1942 - World War II: nearly 250 Japanese warplanes attack the northern Australian city of Darwin killing 243 people.
1963 - Seal is born.
1966 - Justine Bateman is born.
1967 - Benicio del Toro is born.
1981 - Beth Ditto is born.
1985 - Haylie Duff is born.
1985 - Arielle Kebbel is born.
1985 - Artificial heart recipient William J. Schroeder becomes the first such patient to leave hospital.
1988 - The Winter Olympics held in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
2001 - An Oklahoma City bombing museum is dedicated at the Oklahoma City National Memorial.
2008 - Fidel Castro announces that he will resign as President of Cuba.

Today in History

February 18:

1885: Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is published for the first time.
1929: The first Academy Awards are announced
1930 - While studying photographs taken in January, Clyde Tombaugh discovers Pluto.
1950: John Hughes was born.
1954: John Travolta was born.
1964: Matt Dillion was born.
1965: Dr. Dre was born.
1998: Harry Caray dies.

Miley Cyrus

Is it just me, or does Miley Cyrus make you want to punch a hole in the wall?

My Celebrity Crush

Today: February 18, 2009

Who: Joaquin Phoenix.

Why: I don't care, either. You be crazy! You be drugged (though, please, seek help if it gets quite bad. I don't want you to die on me)! You get on with your bad self. I love you all the same.

Congrats, Joaquin! You are my celebrity crush of the day.

I know, I know. It's such an honor, right? You didn't think you'd even win, so you don't have anything planned? That's alright. I understand. You just keep doing what you're doing. I'll love you always!

Favorite Movie: Signs.

First realized you were alive: Signs. 2002.

Why I'll always love you: You've been my imaginary husband at least twice.

Why you should love them, too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXpYk7WGN5Y. Because if it's fake then it's funny, but if it's real and he is strung out...well, he obviously needs some love. I'll give it to him...

I Have Decided

I have already named my future pets. Of course, I can not see into the future so I never know what I am going to get. I may end up a cat lady (dear, God, no! Anything but!) or I may marry a man who is allergic to cats and dogs (that would be better than dying alone). So, as of now, all I have are my thoughts:

Cat Number One: John Cleese




Cat Number Two: Judge Reinhold




Cat Number Three: Neil Patrick Harris




Cat Number Four: Robert Sean Leonard




Cat Number Five: Rick Moranis




Now, I know that in some circles of civilized people, having five cats validates you for your Cat-Lady Membership Card...laminated. However, if I have a husband than it isn't creepy...Right?
And why, may you ask, does George Harrison not get a cat named after him? Because...I might want to name my son George...or Harrison...

My Lovers

This is Judge Reinhold. He is my obsession. I want to stress that you will see, "hear", read and soon become annoyed with the sight of him. I can't help it. I soon became obsessed with him after watching The Santa Clause. As a young girl I thought, "Wow, who is that good looking man in that vibrant sweater? Why can I not speak with him? Why can I not touch him directly?" As I got older, I always seemed to come back to him as though in a revolving door. This was before I realized I was obsessed. I simply thought he was fun to watch. I had no idea I had a crush on him. And it isn't even a sexual thing, as I am now older and prone to knowing what that feels like. I just want to have lunch with him. Perhaps speak with him every so often on the phone. I just feel, deep within me, that he must be a wonderful friend. I want to be his friend...

This good lookin' fella to my right is George Harrison. Now, I must admit...This is a sexual thing I feel for him. I have to admit that I am, in fact, sexually attracted to George Harrison. It all started two summers ago when I bought a Beatles cd. It was their greatest hits album, as I recall. I remember listening to it and recalling and recognizing songs from my childhood. These were songs that had been played in my house growing up, or on the oldies station. I was pleasently surprised to realize that yes, I did indeed know all of these songs. I wasn't oblivious, mind you, I simply hadn't thought much about them. My older sister was into them at this point (still is) and with her involvement I had started learning more and more about them. I got hooked. I remember pulling a picture of the Beatles up on my computer and studying it. I didn't like John Lennon (who my sister seems to like...even creepier she seems to like Sean Lennon, as well...). Ringo Starr wasn't my type either. Paul McCartney seemed nice...but it was all over as soon as my gaze focused on George Harrison. Oh my word...I instantly fell in love. It is superficial, for sure, but it doesn't really matter to me that much. When I hear his music I do not think he is "singing directly to me." That would be frigging odd. I like his music and I like that he had something else other than the Beatles.

So, as I figured out my undeniable crush for this man, I began to Google him. I remember reading the first article. I chose a Rolling Stone article to read. I enjoyed going through his history from before the Beatles and then during the Beatles. However, I froze, stopped dead in my tracks, caught my breath in my throat and didn't blink for a good three minutes. He was dead.

Suddenly, I remember November 29, 2001. I could remember somewhere in the very back of my head something about him passing away. It was like a dim, nagging sensation that was beckoning me to recall it. I don't remember what I was wearing or who I was with, but I remember hearing that he had died. I remember it. And at the time I thought, "Who the hell cares? Who was he, anyways?" Oh, how naive I was! How I wish I could go back in time and just know he was alive.

I was devestated. He mine as well have died that very moment in front of my very eyes. I was so upset. I had finally found a suitable celebrity for my teenage hormones and just as suddenly, it was gone. I will admit that I cried. I read the article and all the other articles where friends recalled his life, and I cried. I youtubed the shit out of this man and I cried. I am a loser and it may seem a bit insane, but you must understand this: I live in Florida. After the month of May it is impossible to venture outside in fear of heatstroke. I was confined to my bedroom with my boredom and my imagination (and thyroid abused hormones) went wild.

So, while Judge is my platonic friend, George is like my first love. The one that got away...

Currently...

Watching the Duggars. My initial thought whenever they come on is always the same: Holy shit! Why does she keep having babies? Her vagina is like Splash Mountain. I'm not gonna lie...I get creeped out.
However, as the episode goes on, and I can not seem to look away, I find myself softening. Sure, their beliefs sometimes scare me senseless, but they seem like alright parents. I haven't seen them speak down to a child yet, nor have I seen a child act out...
And then I am creeped out again by the robotic children...
And so the vicious circle continues...
Oh, and is it just me or does the oldest son kind of look like a future pedephile? I can just tell he and his wife have sex all the time. He just has that look in his eye that comes from a nice, long, consistant string of sex.